The last blog post I wrote my mother was alive. That was four years ago. Haven't seen the birds in awhile but the stray cats are cute. Our cat doesn't agree. She prefers the birds and squirrels. This morning I am waiting to hear from my cousin. I nanny for her toddler. Usually I have a set schedule. Not so much this week. Also recieved a jury summons for October 29th. Happy Birthday month to me. So far no new jury so no jury duty. I'll call again after 6pm. Today is Halloween. Feeling everything but spooky. Mostly I am exhausted actually. Today is also the last day of Inktober. A little sad to see my favorite month end for another year. November is harder for me now that my mother is no longer alive to celebrate her birthday on November 20th. I was born on October 20th. I have a cousin who gave birth in August on her birthday. This blog is full of random facts. People I love were born on Halloween. Happy Birthday to them. This is stilted and boring in my opinion but I will probably post it anyway. I miss my writing time. These days I am either cleaning up messes, trying to destress, or caring for someone. I need to read non electronic books again. Mostly I am reading children's books for 1000 before kindergarten program. Our toddler is at 546 and counting. So much rereading the same books right now. When I am not with her I quickly read a smutty romance. Recently finished Alexa Riley's vampire series. Waiting for that last book seriously annoyed me. I received books for my birthday, yay, so I have an active tbr pile. It is currently 7:20 AM. Yesterday my cousin picked me up at 7:15 AM. From reading this you'd have to know me to know my age and capacity. My Grandmother died in 2004. I miss her. My BFF died in 1998. I miss her too. Such cheery thoughts for early morning on Halloween 2018. My BFF and I wrote letters to each other. She was a multi-talented artist. My Grandmother was an avid reader too. Her last advice to me was write it out. I live by that as best I can. I have love and support from the men and women who are alive in my life. My writer friends, myself included, create a world we all love to live in. We are getting ready for NaNoWriMo. Another reason to be thankful for November. Happy Halloween to you and thank you for reading!

I do not know their names.

I have birdies! Also have a squirell friend here. At the old apartment it was dangerous for animals outside my window because of the parking lot. We lived in the basement. Less stairs now, living on the first floor.

I wrote an earlier blog this morning entitled I do not know and it is true. One of the great blessing of being an author as well as a writer and poet is that I can create the answers I do not know. I have to be careful and truthful and admit these are answers I've supplied from my imagination, experience and opinion and not present them as facts.

I have decided to call the birdies Melody and Harmony. I reserve the right to change their names and or use them interchangably for other birds I may spy out my window. Firefly and Serenity strike me as good names too. I do not know if the picture I took was clear enough for you to see either bird, but I saw and heard two.

I know I like it here. :-) I will read, knit and relax for the rest of this first Friday of 2014. Hope your day gives you plenty of opportunity to smile and create smiles.

I do not know

I do not know why I did not post a blog yesterday. I do not know why people commit crimes, violent or otherwise. I do not know why every rich person is not opening his or her home to someone in need. I do not know why death scares us. I do not know how to earn money by breathing but since our system and society is dependent on consumerism I wish everyone was able to do so. I do not know my siblings or nephew(s). I do not know why my writing sometimes sounds as if a seventeen year old, instead of a thirty four year old, wrote it. I do not know why we do not have a cure for cancer. I do not know why you are still reading. I do not know why it seems more important that Scientists create a hover craft or flying vehicles rather than a definitive cure for cancer. I do not know why I am writing this. I do not know why I will publish it. I do not know how or if you will respond. I do not know how much more is inside me to write, to share. Idk.

Resolution

To write with pen on the pages of my unfinished journals. To write on the smith corona typewriter. To write the typed sentences on my blog. To breath and write through the joys and the heart jumps and jammed feelings of life during 2014.

Bookwarm loophole

The best thing about books, and there are literarally thousands of things to love, is their patient permanence. They wait until their reader is ready for the knowledge between their spines. Some books I have had to try to read more than once before I could finally complete the pages. Some I have had to or wanted to read twice or more to fully process its meaning and or find its importance as it relates to my existence. The main reason I love owning so many books, being a bibliophile, is so that I can truly enjoy the best thing about books. I can read the book that best fits my need or desire at any given time without limits. The library is amazing, but some books require ownership, a permanent placement while I am on earth. Everything passes away, but perhaps knowledge is smart enough to find a loop hole...

2013 was mean

So sleepy, resistence is low. Energy slow. Soon to stop, instead of go. The books read this year linger in the soul. Feeling a slight pull to let the world know yet it seems so clear no one cares. Unless they wrote the role.This poem is mostly true. I have read a few excellent books while 2013 was being mean.

Update

Life is so much better than when I last blogged and continues to improve. I had problems I did not even know about in June 2013 that have since been solved. And yes I am choosing my words carefully. I protect the idea of privacy among other things people and places and emotions. But I digress. I gave notice and stopped providing child care in August 2013, which hurt my heart, but probably saved my life. A month later I had a health scare and stopped working freelance. Two weeks and a day ago I had surgery and Saturday I pulled a muscle in my lower back. Pain is not more powerful than will, but sometimes will must wait until pain passes or the hurt is healed. I am almost through a resting phase and getting ready to resume living my life to the fullest. God, Gratitude and Grace has seen me happy in the most miserable times. I have cried and I will cry again. I smile and will continue to feel and show joy. Have I bored you yet? I hope not. I have read and knitted through the physical and emotional pain of the last months. I have returned to journal writing, which I had neglected. I have never stopped writing poetry since I started in 1990. I don't write a poem a day, though I have in the past and may in the future. I have prayed so much in my thirty seven years. So enough about me. How are you?

I am currently working for free, although my friend aka mother of E & L, did pay me $8 on June 4, 2013, as an unliscensed child care provider. Before the sideline of caring for other people's children has always worked well with my writing, but currently I am finding that caring for a 10 months old baby everyday and her high pressured teen age sister once a week or so is too distracting and exhausting. On my mornings and afternoons off I am too wiped and poor to leave my apartment. I only have a mobile device without usb which cuts me off after so many characters/letters/words, a gift from my parents, and off line frankencomputers salvaged from the trash by my husband or given to me by friends to work with in my apartment. I have a lot of support for my writing, but with no time or money my resourses and tools seem to shrink at an alarming rate. Eventually the State of Michigan will authorize me and I'll recieve $2.20 per hour. Don't mistake my words for whining. I am blessed to be able to help my friend, but the strain and stress is not helping me, my marriage, my suppprt system or my writing. Okay so maybe I am whining. Sorry.